Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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