pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
