a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i think i just lost a toe
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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