You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
