I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
