he puts the penis in happiness.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
