summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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