Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize