And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
