I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
