I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
