What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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