STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
