I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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