Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize