What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize