I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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