how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
