Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
