I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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