she was so not down for the gang bang
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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