I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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