You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
