Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
