Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Vodka?
Forever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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