I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
