the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
