Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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