I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
