i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
