i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
