No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
