She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
