I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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