I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
