Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I met the friendliest cop last night
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
