none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
