That's intense
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
