I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
