NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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