I will die if light touches me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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