did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
stop calling my apartment porn island.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
