do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
