Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
