what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize