Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
