Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
