TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
