I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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