sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
