i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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