i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
