Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
