blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
