I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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