you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
