I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
