Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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