Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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