what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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