Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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