basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
