if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
