Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This is classic penis vs brain.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
