highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
