had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
