Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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