I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
