Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
