I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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