I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
