I accidentally burped into my bong.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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